Choose the right option

Couples
Originally uploaded by David Foster Nass

Mummy, Daddy, Brother, Sister, Uncle, Aunty. You will love to teach all these words to your kid. It is only at school they teach relationship like nephew, niece, cousin etc. As some great man said, “life is the best teacher”. Life teaches some more relationship titles, especially for a girl. You will be amazed as to how many type of relationship can a girl have with boys. Let us list few that can be discussed in public.

1. Boy friend
2. A boy who is a friend
3. Flirting friend
4. Lover

These names are given under the chapter “Daavu” in the book “Ladki patayufying” written by the ancient sage called “Vaal micky”.

Few girls have all these relationships at a time. Talented people can manage adding 's' (plural) to all these relationships. All those who disagree are requested to go to ATM, take out some paisa and go to the nearest metro. If you are in a metro and still don’t agree, I request you to type a leave letter to office and go to a nearest park regularly for a week. If you do this, you may add some more to the list above.

Being a boy-girl researcher, I feel that I have to advise all the 'boys without girls' on the pros and cons of these relationships. Before you proceed with this I would advice you to go through my earlier post “boys without girls” and make accustomed to the process of getting a girl. Now, let us analyze the pros:) and cons:( of each. At the end you can decide on the role you want to take.

Boyfriend:

:) 1- Societal status increases- Now you too have a girlfriend

:( 1- Branded as a boyfriend of Ms.X and hence loose other opportunities

:) 2- Spending time is now easy and interesting

:( 2- Spending money! Is not easy and is disgusting

:) 3- Occasional dates and probable nights

:( 3-Your wallet is no more open for public inspection because you have to hide some small device there

Boy who is a friend:

:) 1- No benefit

:( 1- You have to be her driver wherever she goes(includes a trip to her boyfriend’s)

:) 2- No benefit

:( 2- How many times can you pick her call and listen about her fight with the boyfriend

:) 3- No benefit

:( 3 -Forces a blogger like me to write more cons which he can not do due to space restriction

Flirting friend:

:) 1- You can have as many as you can

:( 1- Have to practice the skill of evaporating on sight of your second flirt

:) 2- Expenses are shared and hence your wallet is safe

:( 2- She cries for a party even if Aishwarya rai marries a tree

:) 3- Regularly she will praise you for your charm, smartness and what not

:( 3- How many times will you repeat this to her

Lover:

:) 1- You get to know your life partner

:( 1- You get to know that your life is becoming more more more more more

:) 2- You will get more girls who are friends because they know that you are harmless

:( 2- You have to tell your lady love's name and show her photo to almost every girl who knows your issue

:) 3- Your lady love cares for your money and spends realistically

:( 3- The same girl is capable of scaring you by showing a diamond necklace and say “sweet heart buy this for me after marriage”

Boys without Girls

Fasten your seat belts. We are entering the Amazon. This Amazon does not have thousands of species; rather it has only two species boys and girls.

People like Dr. John Gray, Allan Pease and Barbara Pease have done enough research on men and women. They have missed the most interesting creatures on earth, namely boys and girls. They would have thought that in the future there will be a researcher called Na.Su.Krishnan(He..He..It’s meee) who can do stupid (read great) work like this.

Never mind..Let us get in to our job. In this post we will discuss about Boys who don’t have a girl in his life. For ease of definition, let us call them sages (waiting for nirvana).

These sages can be easily found in the following places;

1. In the gym, trying to build their muscles. Someone should have told them that broad chest attracts girls. Our sage missed to note that money is also kept in the chest pocket.

2. In Gtalk and yahoo messengers trying to find a girl to flirt with. Our sage should have missed to note that only those cases which are of no use in reality are left in the virtual world. All others are busy with their boys in some corner (Ya!corner) of the world.

3. In front of women’s college trying to attract some chick. Here our sage drives in an ultra modern bike. Sports black glasses irrespective of the weather, shirt which is torn in different styles to indicate fashion, trousers which allow thy underwear to show off (Jockey gets free advertisement here). Little does he know that our girls there are in need of drivers who can drive a two wheeler and leave them at home, nothing more.

4. Orkut and other social networking sites. Here you can see our sage having his best edited photograph (Reality scares) in his profile. He visits as many girls as he can in a day (Hard sellers) and scraps them by crushing his creative machine. “Hey..I generally don’t scrap unknown people, but your pic caught my eye. Couldn’t move without scrapping you. Can we be friends”. Intelligent way of begging for friendship right? Friendship is scraped, sorry sacred!

5. Along with boys who already have a girlfriend. Right! Your guess is perfect. “Yaar..your girlfriend’s room mate yaar..Sexy queen, please yaar ask her to introduce me to that queen. I will bring two old monks this week yaar”. Hmm..Bribe! Our sage can become a Government officer but never get a girl.

I can be happy only if the society is happy. I can not arrange girls for you (mind it, rascala). However, I know that you lose energy everyday by search marofying, trial marofying, propose marofying, line marofying, sight marofying and a lot of other associated activities like stunt marofying, sutta marofying etc., etc., As a boy-girl researcher, I will teach you a variant of pranayama which if practiced will help you to refresh, revitalize and get the energy back. The best part of this pranayama is that you need not get early in the morning to do this, you can do this anywhere anytime. Simple steps are as follows,

Step 1: When you are about to cross a girl, stand easy and INHALE……
Step 2: When the girl just passes away, start walking and EXHALE….

Note: The force with which you inhale depends on the beauty of the girl passing by. Best results can be guaranteed only if the place is filled with beautiful chicks:)

Disclaimer: This post is written for humour with humour by humour. Any species finding it annoying are requested to cool down by doing pranayama.

Picture source:http://www.flickr.com/photos/johnwiseman/

The Aaloo Muni

A lot of potatoes . . .
Originally uploaded by alliecat393

Heard about Aaloo?

Aaloo (Potato in Angrezi (English in English)) is yet another vegetable in my Madurai home. I like Aaloo in fried form, I like it when my Amma cuts it into even little pieces and fries it with oil. There were days where I had threatened Amma that I will not eat lunch without that. Little do I know that my whole life will be Aaloofied in the future.

Cut May 2006, I moved to this place called NCR (Gurgaon to be precise). I know that I have to sacrifice my old eating habits including 8 idlis dipped in sambar. Three box lunch set to office which contains almost everything that a typical Tamilian marriage lunch may have. Half a dozen coffee or tea which I use to dissolve the food and produce energy. A lot more goes unsaid as I couldn’t resist my temptation beyond this..

Here in Gurgaon, I get Aaloo bujia in my breakfast. Aaloo ka sabji for lunch. Aaloo dum for dinner. In between if I feel like having a quick snacks, I have Aaloo filled samosa. Thank God there is no Aaloo tea or Aaloo coffee. There are good days when my cook brings some non-Aaloo vegetable. He is kind enough to make that day equally bad by mixing Aaloo to that (Aaloofication). Aaloo with green leaves, Aaloo with cabbage, Aaloo with ladies finger and Aaloo with every other vegetable that you can get in the world. I don’t know why this region is filled with Aaloo manias.

Enough is enough! I asked my cook for an explanation. He used an analogy, which motivated me to write this post. “Aaloo is like Narada muni”, I went crazy, how can Narada, the trouble maker for Indian God’s be linked to a vegetable. “Narad gets into every ones life and creates problem, similarly Aaloo is mixed with every vegetable to create problem”. Yes a big problem for me!

After being troubled by this Aaloo syndrome, I am now in problem solving mode. I have three solutions (oh God, I have to think about it now);

1. Hire a doctor and pay him to say on TV “An Aaloo a day makes me healthy and wealthy”. Wise people will get his point and stop eating Aaloo. (Production of Aaloo will stop)

2. Hire a priest and pay him to say in public meetings “Wearing garlands made of Aaloo will result in long political life”. (All politicians and their followers will buy the entire production, little left for poor people like me)

3. Hire a Vaastu expert and pay him to write a book titled Aaloo ghar. It essentially says “Dig a big hole in the East, West, North, South, South east, South west and all other possible combinations of your home. Rot and dump 100 kgs of Aaloo in those holes. Your family will stay wealthy for the next 5 years, repeat it to renew this for 5 more years”(Every one will dig, leaving nothing to eat)

Public like me, affected by Aaloo are welcome to participate in this effort :)

An angry post

I started this blog with the intention that I will post regularly. Being in the final semester of this MBA course, after getting placed, any normal student is supposed to chill. The system is not allowing me to do so. I am very angry now. Any one who is reading this post in search of some fun, please don’t read it. If you want to really enjoy this post then better bring 100 grams of red chilly powder, sprinkle it on your monitor and eat a tablespoon of the same. Done? Now, you are ready to read this post. Continue reading!

My first enemy is the service marketing professor who spoiled my dates with my blog by giving a dating assignment. Our group has to give a case presentation on Match.com, the world’s largest online dating portal (though half a dozen more portals claim to be so). We had to make a study on how they lure their customer and what kind of services they offer. As usual more than two days were spoiled because I have to mentally prepare myself to work. Finally when I was prepared, I had to deliver it in front of a class which was more interested in dating than listening to a dating case. Who cares for how they date in US and the UK, when it is tough to get a date in the same college.

Our effort didn’t go in drain. Our presentation was finally well received by the professor. Except for the question which made me think that I should have visited more porn sites than visiting review and dating sites. His question was in sync with my earlier post. Simple question “What is the difference between lesbian and gay?”. This happened to be a question which I could remember for a lifetime. May be I will highlight it in my resume as one of my qualities “Ability to answer sick questions”. Anyways I answered it with a typical MBA touch. An MBA’s answer is one which is clear as one’s head but invisible as one’s brain (I know that you didn’t understand anything, but this is called as a typical MBA’s answer).

Story of the dating case ends there, whereas other horror stories are waiting for me. Tomorrow is the day for one more presentation. Now, I want to know that gentleman/ woman (I don’t give room for feminist or masculinist) who invented this process called as presenting something on stage. You go well dressed only to look like a clown, you can not publicly give galis to those who talk in between and disturb, and you have to keep a smile in your face even though your urinary bladder is laughing at you. Ufff! A presentation tomorrow. I have loads of interesting things to write in my blog. I want to share with you my experiences while circumnavigating Pragati maidan, a story on Aloo becoming Narada muni, a few funny dressing sense that I have observed of late, what it takes to live with a room mate who don’t have a girlfriend and a few exciting news about professors. Wait for that. I will write once I am free…