Republic day competition for Chief ministers

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President of India has announced a Republic day competition for all Chief Ministers. I guess it is designed to make every chief minister win at least once.

Event 1:

Power Nap - Participants should sleep in a cold night on the road side. Do not think that a  powernap is for a very short duration, it is actually a POWER-Nap. Game lasts for one full night. Participant will be scored based on the number of blankets less-used.

Event2:

The PR-CM -Participants should use their PR power to color the nation saffron. Participant should make the nation believe that you are the messiah, though you are from an evil brotherhood. Participant will be based on the number of followers in Facebook and Twitter.

Event 3:

Fast Finger - Participant should write maximum number of letters to the Prime Minister within a defined period.   The issue can be on broad issues ranging from water, electricity and Srilanka. Participant should have the patience to just write and not expect any reply for years and years together. Participant will be scored based on the number of letters sent.

Event 4:

Statue - This is not the statue game you played in your childhood. This is a game for few elite CMs. Participant should build statues throughout the state at war foot. Once built, participant can spend the remaining years in debating the cost and rationale of building them. Participant will be scored on the number of statues built.

Event 5:

Breakup-Mashup - Participant should be caught in corruption and hence break up from his original party. Start his own party which makes him clean of corruption. Join back the old party with the same saffron thilak. Participant will be scored on the number of times he cried in Public media.

Event 6:

Don't talk - Participant should be bold enough to get hold of anyone talking against her and put them in jail. Any bad mouth should be termed as naxal and a threat to the CM. Participant will be scored on the number of arrest made. Extra marks for arresting professors and students.

Pro people Government opens Swanky Liquor shops in Tamilnadu

Tamilnadu Government to open swanky TASMAC liquor outlets in Chennai malls. 

Who said the Government does not listen to people?
The Government listened to the needs of the upper middle class who would prefer branded and expensive drinks. Do not argue that tasmac continues to ruin the happiness index of families across the state.

Who said the Government is not modern?
TASMAC has one of the best supply chain and marketing skills within the Government. Their swanky new shops are proof of their execution capability. Do not arque by quoting examples like fishy electric supply of the state.

Who said the Government is not socially responsible?
Government understand the need to generate more income and self sustain the state. More shops will give us more money. Do not argue that people drink this and turn anti socials.

Finally, good news to all. Contrary to popular expectation, we are not going to name these new shops as Amma wine shops. We do it for mineral water alone.

News source here:
http://www.thehindu.com/news/cities/chennai/tasmac-opens-swanky-outlet-inside-mall/article5244931.ece?homepage=true

India is a Computer

In a shocking incident, Rahul said that if India is a Computer, then Congress is the default program. After this incident, Political Leaders across the Country started using Computer terms to define them. The competition was severe that all terms were taken within 2 hours and the only word left was Mouse. Which no one except Rahul preferred to take.

I came to know about some of them and I am delighted to share it with this blog readers.

• Sonia said she is the Operating System
• Manmohan said he is the Desktop
• Chidambaram said he is the monitor
• Modi said he is the recent Processor
• Advani said he is the RAM, but outdated
• Arvind Kejrival said he is the Antivirus
• Jayalalitha said she is the motherboard
• Karunanidhi said that he is the Computer and everyone using computer terms should pay royalty to his sons and daughters.

சும்மா ஒரு பொய் நியூஸ்

'தலைவா'  படத்துக்கு வரி விலக்கு கொடுக்க மறுத்த தமிழக அரசு, Shah Rukh Khan நடித்த 'சென்னை எக்ஸ்பிரஸ்' படத்திற்கு வரி விலக்கு கொடுக்க முன் வந்துள்ளது.

தலைவா படத்துல இங்கிலீஷ் வார்த்தை நிறைய இருந்துச்சாம், ஆனால் சென்னை எக்ஸ்பிரஸ் படத்துல தமிழ் வார்த்தை நிறைய இருந்துச்சாம்.

-திடிக்கிடும் பொய்(Fake) ரிப்போர்ட் by பேரில்லாத பத்திரிக்கை

தன் ஜாதிக்கு தனி நாடு உரிமை வழங்க கோரிக்கை

சும்மா ஒரு பொய் நியூஸ்..

தமிழகத்தின் புது விடியலாகவும், அழிந்து வரும் ஜாதிக்கட்சி அரசியலை புணரமைக்கும் சிர்ப்பியாகவும்; தமிழக மக்களிடையே பல அறிவார்ந்த தத்துவங்களை அள்ளி வீசும் அறிவு ஜீவியாகவும் நம்மிடையே வித்தியாசமானவராக வளம் வருபவரே இவர். அரசியலில் போதுமான வருமானம் இல்லாததால் கல்யாண தரகராகவும், திருமண வயதை நிர்ணயிக்கும் ஜோசியராகவும் மாறியுள்ளார்.

கடந்த சில மாதங்களாக அமைதியாக இருந்தவர் இன்று திடீர் என்று அமெரிக்காவிற்கு ஒரு கோரிக்கை விடுத்துள்ளார். இந்த கோரிக்கை பற்றிய விவரங்களை இன்று காலை நடந்த செய்தியாளர்கள் கூட்டத்தில் விளக்கினார். கூட்டத்தில் பங்கேற்கும் பத்திரிக்கயாலர்கலுக்கு ஒரு காபி மற்றும் போண்டா கொடுக்கப்படும் என்ற நப்பாசையில், நமது  பேரில்லாத பத்திரிக்கை நிருபர் ஒருவர் கலந்து கொண்டார். அவர் உயிர் மீண்டு வந்து கொடுத்த ரிப்போர்ட் உங்களுக்காக....

தன் ஜாதிக்கும், தன்னை போன்ற ஜாதியை எதிர்க்கும் போராளிகளுக்கும் இந்திய தேசத்தின் அங்கமான தமிழகம், போதிய பாதுகாப்பு தர மறந்துவிட்டது. சும்மா சும்மா தன்னை ஊருக்குள் என்ட்ரி செய்ய கூடாது என்றும் அரெஸ்ட் செய்துவிடுவேன் என்றும் தமிழக அரசு மிரட்டுவதாக கண்ணீர் மல்க தெரிவித்துள்ளார்.

தவிர, தான் எது பேசினாலும் தன்னை அறிவுஜீவி என்று வஞ்சப்புகழ்ச்சி அணியில் கூப்பிடுவதை அவர் இனியும் பொருக்க முடியாது என்று கடுமையாக சாடியுள்ளார்.

சாதி ஒழிப்புக்காக அவர் தருமபுரியில் செய்த போராட்டங்களை தமிழகம் தவறாக புரிந்துகொண்டதாக விளக்கம் அளித்துள்ளார். சாதியை ஒழிக்க ஒற்றுமை பேணுவதை விட பிற ஜாதிகளை கொன்று குவிப்பதே சிறந்த முறை என்று அடிக்கோடு இட்டு காட்டியுள்ளார். மேலும் பல சாதியுள்ள இந்திய தேசத்தில் வாழ பிடிக்கவில்லை என்றும், தனக்கு என்று ஒரு நாடு உருவாக்கி அதில் வாழ விரும்புவதாக கூறியுள்ளார். இதனை ஏற்று அமெரிக்க சட்ட சபை தனக்கு ஒரு நாடு வாங்கி கொடுக்கும் என்று உறுதியோடு இருப்பதாக செய்தியாளர்களிடையே கூறினார்.

உள்ளூரில் இதை சொன்னால் தன்னை மீண்டும் அறிவுஜீவி என்று கேலி செய்வார்கள் என்பதால் அமெரிக்காவின் உதவியை நாடியிருப்பதாக கூறியுள்ளார்.

பின் குறிப்பு: அவர் எழுதிய கோரிக்கை கடிதத்தை ஒபாமாவிற்கு போஸ்ட் செய்ய கூட தொண்டர்கள் இல்லையாம். தனது ஒரே தொண்டனான மகன் அதனை போஸ்ட் செய்ய சென்றுள்ளதால் செய்தியாளர்கள் கூட்டத்திற்கு  வர முடியவில்லையாம்.

The Three. Point. Someone

The Munna Bhai guy, Mr.Perfectionist guy and the Hinglish best seller guy. All are greater than life in their own achievements. But… definitely this one is going to be a feather in the cap. Not as a symbol of achievement, but a feather like issue which was roughened up by all the parties.

1. 1. Mr. Hinglish best seller felt bad because he got the right credit as signed in the agreement and not as expected or pictured in the mind.
2. Mr. Munna bhai is feeling bad because this gives negative publicity about the story (Is it?)
3. Mr. Perfectionist too is feeling bad because Mr.Hinglish best seller wants to steal the credit that should be given to the script writer (Not sure if the script writer is feeling bad or guilty)

There is one good thing about this issue. This doesn’t seem to be a story scripted and acted to gain publicity. I guess, all those involved are famous enough and doesn’t need any publicity like this. However, unknowingly this whole episode has created good publicity for them. I feel that the issue makers should be happy with the publicity gained and stop worrying about the “credit not given” or the “money given” version of the story. To make you all feel what they have gained, I am sharing my reaction which has benefited them...

• I have read the book “ Five point someone”, but have not seen “ 3 idiots”. With so much hype around , I want to see the movie to check the similarity (70% as Chetan claims) or Dissimilarity (2% to 5% as the producers claim). I guess the producer, the director and the acting crew will be happy with this extra ticket going to the Theater.
• I read the book 2 years back. Right now, I wouldn’t have spent anytime thinking about it. I would have forgot the name “Chetan Bhagat” also. With so much hype around, I am remembering both. Guess, Chetan is happy about being in the top of mind of one of his reader.
• As I write this piece I have read at least dozen articles and blogs on this issue. Intrestingly, a TV Channel has made a 20 minute show on this issue and is freely available in Youtube. All the websites, its authors, bloggers and Youtube should be happy about the additional hits they have got. This is a social service done by the Three. See the video below to get insights.
  
  Finally, the Munnbhai guy has clarified few things here in the below video.

The book was a super hit, the movie will be a super hit and so is the issue. I guess these guys are known for giving HITS (at each other).

Sportsmen & dirty games

Sportsmen can never enter the corporate world. No matter how good they are educated, no matter how good they maintain their public relationship, no matter how good they are trained on communication. Sportsmen can never succeed in the corporate world. Leave aside success; they don’t even have the basic qualification to enter any organization.

See what they are doing. This is the picture of our nation’s pride. Our start cricketers! It is horrible to see sportsmen fighting on field.

See this also.. Same with basket ball players.


I like to watch football because of these actions!

It is disappointing to see how they fight on the field and attack each other. The sad part of this fight is that no one gets their objective fulfilled by fighting. Alternatively both are punished.

Think and tell me, does this work in an organization?

Never... At corporate, we are decent, gentle, white collared. We bitch, but only at the back. We complain but only when the person is on leave. We even plan attacks, but will never disclose that I’m attacking. Simply we never fight on the field. We maintain high degree of corporate etiquette. Silly sportsmen will never learn this.

Pink Slip

ginally uploaded by Bethany Mae PhotographyYesterday I was browsing through some article on “How to fire an employee”. Those article give practical tips to the modern corporate Gods of destruction, the HR firing managers. Varieties of tips are available on the internet for these firing managers. After all once you throw an employee, he does not say the regular TaTa..bye bye..Cu.. Rather he says “I too will become like the Tata’s..I’ll buy you..buy you..and See you.” Even after being Lord Shiva, they have their own point of worry. Shiva is prayed but firing managers will become employee’s prey.

On the other side employees in the IT fraternity are scared of reading the morning newspaper. News about recession and pink slips make them stop going to the God of maintenance, the HR team. It is better to go and meet the God of creation, the manpower consultants. I hope the publishers of “Who moved my cheese” can get good business if they promote their book again in Bangalore.

The next widely used question in Human dialogues will be…
I’m fired what can I do now? Let us answer this question by wearing our usual humor veil (Nothing serious about it). Here is a step by step guide on what to do after getting fired.

1. Go and sleep well. It has been years since you slept properly at home.

2. Collect some more intellectual but fired gentlemen in your organization. Form a small group. Arrange a firing party for networking. Invite your ex-employer to this firing party and push him into the bon fire. The real firing!

3. Call all those money eating service providers who otherwise knock your door every other day and say boldly “You are Fired”. Time to cut some cost.

4. Update and activate all those Gods resting in the virtual world as login ids in Naukri, Job monster and India times.

5. Time to look down, run run…Faster..Run...Run....FASTER..RUN..RUN on your tread mill. Don’t stop till you can look down and see your toes. Time to trim your tummies.

6. Look for a temporary job in political parties. With elections around, they are the next big users of Information technology. Assist them in starting political blogs, campaigns in You tube, designing opposition party games, e-mail campaigning and a lot more to come. They can even give you a MP or MLA seat as bonus. Be an IT politician. Hey..I just coined a new position for parties.(Pay royalty if you are going to use this)

7. By the time you finish all these you will get a job. Because, India is vast and jobs are enormous. Just relax!

Indian Imitation Syndrome

Shahrukh khan (SRK) has all reasons to be on news almost every day. Mr. Ramadoss doesn’t. What to do..What to do..Ya! What an Idea. Let us ride on SRK’s fame. Let us blame SRK for showing his newly constructed, man made wonder. The 6 pack abs. Che Che..Bad Idea, he may ask me to show my abs, no no. That will make me loose my health minister post.

What to do..What to do..Ya! What an Idea. Let us talk about him being a Don. He kills people on screen. That is the point, let us sue him. Che Che..If we speak about Don, that will certainly affect Tamil sentiments, since Superstart Rajni Kanth has played Don in its remake. This may force me to move out of politics.

What to do..What to do..Ya! He smokes a lot in public, something which I can not do. Let us blame him for that. Smoking is injurious to health. Let us prove it for the King Khan. We will ask SRK to stop it and apologize in public. If he does not, then let us force the cigarette companies to use SRK’s face morphed as skeleton and print in all cigarette packets. May be on a 4cm x 3cm size color print. Good idea! No Che Che now..

Ok. All planned and executed well. SRK got his percentage of media coverage; Mr. Health minister got his piece of attraction; public got some kind of confusion and finally I got some thing to blog about.

My vote goes for Mr.Ramadoss. On screen personality of stars are imitated by his fans. So, when SRK smokes, his fans too smoke. If SRK drinks, his fans too will drink. Logically and practically Mr.Ramadoss is right. Every one smokes and drinks just to look like SRK. Not to get the prospective physical reaction in the serum due to the intake of nicotine in the gaseous state thus easing the body to float on air. “Who wants that? we just want to look like SRK. I do not afford to buy a dark jacket, black big glasses, a gang with the latest handheld weapons and a multipurpose assistant girl. I just afford a cigarette and hence I use that”, says Khan Singh a dye hard Sharukh khan fan after seeing Don.

Of late, I have observed a few more activities in public which can create a similar imitation syndrome among the public. One such thing was held on 29^th Feb 2008 in the Indian parliament. Along with me watching the general Budget 2008 was a little boy doing his 5^th standard in school. For him, the parliament house is much like his class room. The teacher there is the speaker here. The students there are the well dressed politicians here. The student who stands up and reads the lessons is our honorable Finance minister here. In his school, there will be pin drop silence when some one is reading aloud. If someone interferes that is a violation of school discipline and he/she will be punished. This is student dharma. However, there is no such protocol followed in the parliament. Members stood up at many instances and voiced their concerns thus disturbing the person reading aloud. I am afraid that this school student will try to imitate these great political superstars in his classrooms.

My humble request to Mr.Health minister is to take up this issue as this is directly related to child behavior in our country. At this time, the member accused is not a super start, but they are super politicians just like you. So, please take actions. I know that the parliament members can not be changed, so you can raise your voice to stop broadcasting the parliament activities or ask the students to stay away from television. If these do not work, you can take the last step of banning all television channels and cinema theatres. They are the propagators of all wrong messages. Let they be not there. What an idea!

Indian Institute of Politics

On 1st February 2008, Mint, the Indian newspaper has successfully completed its one year of operation. The special edition on its anniversary was insightful. It contains 60 ideas for a New India written by 60 different personalities. Most of the ideas were worth thinking about. One such interesting idea was by Tamal bandyopadhyay (tough name) to start Indian Institute of Politics in the same line as IIT’s and IIM’s. The columnist argues that if actors and architects need professional qualifications, then why not politicians?

Though this idea is not new and there are some institutions which are already in place, the point is to make it compulsory for any individual to enter politics. Radical? Wise men can think about it on an optimistic way. I am not wise. That forces me to look at it pessimistically and sarcastically.

Now, we are fast forwarding ourselves to the year 2012, the year in which we assume this new institution to get open(Warning: Not a promise by anyone).

Let us assume that the Institution is launched (saffron ribbon cut by the ruling party) and named as Janata politics school. The major criticism for such a name was by a Tamil politician who condemned that Janata is a Hindi word and people from his state may not understand it. Next was our own Laloo ji who was against naming it as ‘School’, since it degraded the value of such a high profile education. He demanded it should be named as ‘Janata Political Doctorate College’, whereas Chidambaram and Manmohan argued that the word School, like in Business School is highly respected and used in the developed nations and hence it will position out institution at an international level.

The first entrance exam for the same is conducted on 2nd February 2012 instead of the opposition by some religious party that the day is not auspicious. The entrance exam was named as Politics entrance test (PET), and was conducted in 22 Indian languages as recognized by the constitution of India. Almost all newspaper’s carried this news in their headlines next day. One famous newspaper reported as follows;

Feb 2, 2012: The much expected Political Entrance test(PET) attracted around 2 lakh students just equal to the high profile Common Aptitude test(CAT). Most of the applicants got motivated by the extraordinary placements guaranteed by many National and regional parties with the ruling party(then) offering the maximum package of one ministry seat, a swiss bank account with an undisclosed balance and a party sponsored world tour to self and family in the name of official visit. The most attractive part of this offer is that the salary that will be officially mentioned in government and party records is just Rs.1 per month.

Our bureau suspects foul play and scam in this test. As a reply to our e-mail to the exam board, the board president replied that “after all it is an entrance test for budding Politicians; we want only those candidates who can successfully manage these intended foul plays and scams”. Our investigation team revealed that an all party meeting was conducted for the making of question paper(being democratic) and the members were held to take an oath on the holy book Geeta and promise that they will not leak the question paper. Many politicians still leaked it stating that the Geeta used there was not the original version but was a shortened version and hence their promise is invalid.

There was a huge cry over the quota system and different sects demanded for an increase in quota stating that this is an altogether different education and hence quota should be revised. The women’s front demanded that at least 50% should be allotted for women candidates. Apart from this they demanded for a correspondence course in politics since most women can not leave their families and come out for education. The cinema actors’ federation demanded that the board was not fair in deciding the age criteria. It said that it takes at least 20 years of acting experience for their community to enter politics and as such the age cap of 35 is not acceptable.

The results of PET will be announced in another fifteen days, but it is found that the descendants of major political parties are already celebrating. They have launched separate websites and blogs to publicize their presence in the institute.

Note: This is an imagination and not a real report. Anyone just glancing at this is requested not to be misguided.

Public display of affection

Yo! We are youths of the Millennium. We do whatever we feel like right. If we are not allowed to do that we will fight for that (After all we inherit Mahatma Gandhi and Bhagat singh).

People say that they have the right to behave the way their organs behave, they become gays, lesbians or bisexuals. They go one step ahead and say that they have the right to decide their gender, they become trans-genders. This resulted in the formation of a new term called GLTB (Gay Lesbian Transgender and bisexual). Lots of social and non governmental groups have started groups to protect their interest and to claim equal rights. We call ourselves a conservative society. Will you believe that our own Tourism ministry has a proposal to start GLTB friendly tourism zone?(Our request for starting a tourist friendly tourism zone is still pending).

Sooner or later we will see advertisements in the Times of India by hospitals claiming that they can change your gender with money back guarantee (sorry! No guarantee if you want to go back). Bring your friend and get 50% discount on the bill.

This is totally fine, but You see… I see… we all see this generation becoming more of a dil chahta hai kind. We demand and fight for what our dil wants. An increasingly visible change is the right to publicly display one’s affection for the other. At the airport, Mom hugging a son before he flies off to US and brings in Gloria (Sorry glory) to the family: Acceptable. At the college, group of friends hugging to celebrate the successful completion of a friend’s break up. Acceptable, but what about an chumma in the same college to celebrate some ones love. What about a couple rolling on the green bed (not hot bed) in the park just to ..…I don’t want to interfere. What about something something in the airport waiting area just to kill the time (Hollywood movie style).

Sooner or later special interest groups may be formed who fight to get their right and say “We have the right to express our affection even in public. If the public have any problem, then they may either close their eyes or move away. After all a public place is for public.“

Come that day and we can see boards like “Please don’t display your affection here”. We will have television live shows debating this subject; name of the show may be “Aakhir Kiss ka keemat kya hai?”