Monday, August 4, 2008

One day in God’s life

It was a fine afternoon in heaven. Ramba & Oorvasi were busy straightening their hair in their parlour. God’s personal assistant has taken a 2 hour break to learn Microsoft office. God has put a strict order to increase the effectiveness of heaven, so everyone was on some personal development activities. God was all alone.
After the highest level of pollution in the last one year, he has shifted heaven to an higher altitude. It was cool, calm & sacred. No water problem & no electricity problem, but the only issue was that he couldn’t increase the zoom level of his eyes and see the activities of people in the world.
He was initially against’s idea of shifting to a higher altitude. However, he was then convinced because of the introduction of Aastha channel & few divine serials. He was confident that people will watch these channels& manage their lives without evil.
As he was all alone, he thought of going through this months’ MIS reports. To his surpise, nothing has changed. The number of complaints & requests from Earth was in the increasing trend. From one side, his Finance team has announced an increase in temple hundi collections by 20%. On the other side, his grievance addressal department has announced the formation of special task force to look into the issue of underpaid labors. The report from each department ran to few hundred pages. Rather than reading through everything, he decided to take his charter flight & land in earth to take stock of the situation.
He landed up straight in India, since no one can easily identify him (Thanks to over 5 different religions & innumerable number of God’s). He planned to visit the temple in Madurai to see people’s involvement in praying. He wished to leave his slippers at the entrance, but the flower seller warned him not to leave his slippers unattended. Instead he advised him to leave it at the slipper counter where slippers of devotees are taken care of. He though “Oh my God, are there thieves even in the entrance of my temple? I have to ensure my line of control.” As he entered, the same flower seller asked him to buy some flowers. He picked a small rose garland just to get shocked in few seconds. The flower seller demanded Rs.100 for that. He left without an answer, but thought “Isn’t there any price control even in my temple?”
As he entered he saw three separate queues of people. On top of the first queue was a big board titled “Rs.50”. Second board read something like “Rs.20” and the third board was named “Free darshan”. He was not sure on which queue he should go & stand. He didn’t have money in his pocket so stood in the Free darshan queue. He was not sure why he has to wait for 2 hours but some one in the next queue who can afford Rs.50 can see God in just 10 mins. He thought “there should be equal treatment of humans atleast inside my temple. Let money not decide on who sees me first & how long”
After two hours of standing in the queue he finally managed to see his darshan. The priest was distributing sacred ash to everyone. Everyone was dropping coins in his plate. Our poor God didn’t have money, so he couldn’t drop money. The priest gave him an odd look. God felt insulted and left the temple immediately.
Stressed out after knowing the fact that things are not working well even in his own temple, he left to heaven. On his way he was confused and worried. He didn’t know how much his world has decayed to. He though of calling the experts and formulate a new anti virus tool so as to remove the viruses in society. However his Google searches lead him to a different solution “Format the machine & install a new operating system”.


ugich konitari said...

Actually, I think, God is so fed up of the way things are here, that henceforth he is simply going to use Google earth....... and save himself a trip

Suma said...

nicely written

and yes, a sad state of affairs on earth

Tys on Ice said...

man, my heart goes out to the guy but he will have to admit that he made us in his image, so, technically aham brahami...wht is inside is manifested outside...maybe god is going thru midlife crisis...

truly hope he ages gracefuly.

A comeback-roopeshrn said...

hey krishnan amazing man..any dumb situation can b made hilarious by ppl like u..simply grt..u know wat u shud try 2 write some comedy books..tell u it wud b a super duper hit..hats off 2 u buddy..

Na.Su.Krishnan said...

@ Ugich - Absolutely right..God will become dependent on Man's invention(theologically nonsense but argumentatively right)..

@Suma- Thanks...Any reason for transition from Alochane to Suma?

@ tys- Midlife crisis...Well interpreted :)

@ comeback - Thats great motivation..but do I deserve?

Sayani said...

I think God by now have become tech savvy..what say?i think by much introduced Google application He will be eased...[;P]

great stuff

ad libber said...

aastha channel mostly works because people try to learn how to lose weight from ramdev baba. Poor God should have realized that

Messenger of Nemesis said...

Good 1
Do me a favour, communicate the god the cost of reinstalling original operating system and softwares. No doubt he will get good discount on backup storages but in case of operating system I cant help.
And please let Nemesis to bid in the tender for formatting the system she has good track record internationaly and after all having a foreign business partner will help him to regain his global glory.

Anonymous said...

This is not an uncommon view, though. Krishnan, nowadays the population is really heavy. Temples are struggling to manage the crowd. In one point of view we can be critical about the money minded ness. Yes thats wrong, but do you see any other way to maintain the temple, serve the unprecedented crowd, while keeping the employees happy? Nobody terms God as a product, but temple administration has to run like a business firm....